Broken Humans

Kiwi mum Emma O’Connell shares he feelings about New Zealand today.

I have no voice left. Literally. Today I cracked. I screamed with every fibre of my being, until I was red in the face and hot in my head. My small, sweet daughter looked at me in horror and fear. She shrunk away as I seethed past in the hall.

With all my body and mind, I truly believe I have made the right choice for myself and my family. Ethically, morally and medically I do not believe this ‘jab’ will keep us safe or be effective. I choose not to fill our bodies with this poison that has maimed and killed many.

However I’m constantly reminded that my choice equals discrimination, division, being locked out, shunned, labelled, controlled and ignored. It’s recapped daily at the dreaded one o’clock briefings. It’s printed on paper and splashed online by government-paid media. It’s plastered on shop posters and in the events I can’t choose to attend.

Most of all, my choice effects my children. I feel I’m damaging them daily. Anger at the situation, those in charge, so-called ‘leaders’ of our community – seeps through me, and into the way I speak, the way I treat others, what I do or now don’t do. The “I’m sorry”s I have to give out to my little ones when they can’t understand why I won’t take them to the library or pool anymore. When they don’t get to enjoy their favourite animal farm or the local café any longer.

I don’t do crying. I get mad; really, really mad. They say anger is a secondary emotion. There is always another emotion that comes first. That’s true. In all of this I feel let down, disrespected, humiliated, bitter, violated, aggressive, frustrated, annoyed, and critical of those around me.

All because of irrational fear, propaganda, coercion, lies and love of money.

I am a cracked mother, a damaged wife, a destroyed sister and a fragmented friend. I’m a broken human.